


Out of It

by TeraKaren



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 15:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6200227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeraKaren/pseuds/TeraKaren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events in Endgame, Barry has a moment alone with his thoughts. Spoilers for the episode Endgame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of It

Barry sat at his kitchen table with a sigh, marveling a little that the only sound after it was the hum of the refrigerator. In the last couple days he had busied himself with League duties and spending all other moments with family, needing them close even if only to hear how they prepared lunch that afternoon. It was all terribly boring, but felt so achingly important right now. He and Iris had spent half of yesterday just holding each other and feeling the kicks of their unborn children. She had told him about a story they were doing about the new bus route extension. He'd murmured into her hair an uninteresting story of the first time he'd picked up Wally from the bus stop and had taken him to get ice cream because he'd wanted the kid to like him so much. Iris had responded by telling him that the new bus route would service thousands of workers who had to travel miles to the closest stop and what a travesty that was.

Today, though, for a few hours they needed a break from everyone, including each other. Iris was up in the bedroom while Barry sat in the kitchen, his third helping of breakfast cold in front of him. A memory ran through his head, at once incapacitating him and threatening to break his composure.

It was cold night after a family dinner, before Artemis had died, or pretended to be dead. _(Could Wally be pretending?All some plan?No, those were dangerous thoughts.He's alive!Disproven, illogical thoughts.You were there. **You were there.** The pieces of him slipped though your fingers.Leaves in the wind.Stop it!)_

Barry had walked outside to join Wally whose face was tilted up toward the sky looking at something. He had spoken to Barry, commenting on how he thought that Bart was growing on him and made a good new partner for The Flash.

Barry had said that he was glad to have a partner again and admitted that he had missed Wally sometimes. Barry remembered how uncertain he'd felt, always self conscious back then that what he said could guilt Wally in his decision to leave the superhero life behind him, and Barry didn't want that.

He couldn't remember the exact words, but then Wally had said something like, “You and Bart make sense because he can match your speed. You make the perfect picture.”

He had looked a little pained and vulnerable, and Barry was certain that he had said, “And I don’t fit anymore.” Barry remembered every nuance of that phrase: the almost unwilling first syllable, the slight plead for response in the way he emphasized “fit”, the resignation in the “more” of “anymore”.

Barry had put his hand on his shoulder and said nothing.

Barry sat staring down at his hand, trying to remember how it had felt on his nephew’s shoulder. An idea of something vaguely warm and unyielding came to mind.

He had said nothing.

He had not agreed with Wally’s thought process. It wasn’t good for him to start separating himself from his family, even if only in his mind. But Wally was an adult now, and he would figure out on his own that they always had a place for him. Barry wasn’t his mentor anymore _(Wally was always so excited telling him about his professors, the brilliant people who he aspired to someday change the world with)_ and life had a way of teaching its own lessons. He had all the faith in the world in his old partner. He thought that there would be so much more time.

Barry’s fist clenched and maddening regret itched within his bones. A sob rocketed straight through him and his body shook because there was no time. Because he should have looked Wally in the eye and told him that he was irreplaceable. That Barry had never had a family until he had met Iris and how grateful he was every second of every day for every person who let him claim them as his family. That a part of his world fizzled out if he lost a single one of the people he cares for most. But he never told him. He never told him and there was no time!

Barry put a hand over his eyes as tears came with shuddering sobs.

Wally was gone and he could have told him. All he had to do was open his stupid mouth and say it. What kind of excuse was it that he thought he had time. He knew that people died. There was no guarantee of a tomorrow. He knew it after his parents had died. He knew it every day when he and his friends put on their uniforms and saved people.

He slammed his fist down on the table, but he hardly felt it.

“Wally,” his voice croaked out agonizingly slow and he immediately decided that speaking was too grounding, too sobering, and this was his time to be frantic, not the rock of a hero he needed himself to be. Speaking was unable to keep up with the glorious panic of his mind as he struggled to find truth in his self accusation _(Wally Wally Oh God he’s dead Oh God WallywhyWally I’m Sorry So sorI’m so sorry pleaseI can’t forgive me)_.

There was no truth though. There was just guilt and regret and words unsaid. There was just his dead nephew and no more time.

In a few hours he would go check on Iris, and in a few more he would go to the Tower for a briefing, pretend not to notice the knowing glances from J'onn, Dinah, and Bruce. He would patrol his city with Bart and try not to avoid looking at him.

He would be the Flash, solid and strong.

Who time could only reach if it caught him first.


End file.
